Enjoy this amazing collection of senior sex stories and jokes. Try not to die laughing!
Swinging Singles: 70 Year Old Senior Swinging
Looking to swing? Learn from these 70-year-old singles.
One Man’s Personal View of Prostate Surgery and Sex
Read yet another view on sex after prostate surgery.
Same Sex Marriages: A Letter to the President About Leviticus
A letter to President Bush about same-sex marriage.
Are You Ever Too Old For an Orgy?
Not if today’s sexy seniors have anything to say about it. We may embarrass our kids and shock the neighbors, but wrinkly Romeos and sagging seductresses are just carrying on a time-honored tradition.
Have Sex Like You Did 40 Years Ago!
The real pièce de résistance, though, was that first line of defense no mother would let her daughter out without the dreaded girdle…
Sex After 60 (Probably a very short column)
Of course, many of the younger generation, including our sons and daughters, find it disgusting that Granny and Gramps could still be doing it. “More than you think,” says Frank. “Much more!”
Rampant Herpes Exposes Uptight Senior Community
Only the latest senior sex scandal, this involving Florida’s “The Villages.” Locals don’t know whether to laugh or gross-out. But there’s a good reason for seniors running wild. Read all about it here.
“Hey, Cutie Pie. I’ve Got Viagra!” A Look at Today’s Senior Dating.
Dating, the second time around, has its pitfalls. Senior men seem to believe mature women want nothing more than a warm body who doesn’t miss the toilet too often. Senior women claim they’re lucky to find a man who can remember where he left his teeth. Learn the ugly truth here.
Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid!
As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn’t pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay.
The Key to Great Senior Sex
What really catches my eye is the dazzling red type across from the photo saying, “Your Penis Shrinks 19.8% as you get older due to deficiency of testosterone!”
Taking It All Off for GeezerCam
With WebCams for everything else, it’s time for GeezerCam. The camera could follow my every movement from the times I get up in the middle of the night to pee right through my exciting day until my wife and I shake hands at bedtime. Exciting? You bet!
Looking for Mr. Oldbar
Dozens of sightings of senior citizens engaged in outdoor sexual activities leads to an investigation of “Looking for Love” classified ads for the senior set.
Finding Love Online
Whether you simply seek new friends, a sex partner or the love of your life, you can do it online.
When Wild Oats Turn Into Prunes and All Bran
One minute you’re a male sex object, the next, you’re a lecherous old fart with bad breath, bad teeth, and probably badly in need of Viagra.
In Praise of Older Women
An older, single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “commitment.” Can’t relate? Can’t commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!
Heavy Groping at the StarLite Drive-in
Were drive-in movies of the ‘40s and ‘50s the sexually unrestrained “passion pits” of yore? Or is all that our inner-teenager’s imagination?
DEAR SUDDENLY SENIOR…
Thus begins yet another service from Suddenly Senior. Experts Flo and Moe respond to readers’ deepest concerns. Learn about a wife’s dilemma with her clicker-happy husband, even orgies, octogenarian-style.
It’s all at Flo & Moe Answer Your Pressing Problems.
ANDY ROONEY’S THEORY OF LIFE
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backward.
- You should die first, get it out of the way.
- Then you live in an old age home.
- Get kicked out because you’re too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work.
- Work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.
- Do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
- Go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.
- Become a little baby, you go back into the womb, Spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm.
Ain’t that the truth?
SENIOR SEX IN THE 80s AND 90s OF LIFE
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to Annabel and asks, “Do you know what I miss most of all?”
She asks “What?”
He replies “SEX!!!”
Annabel exclaims, “Why you old fart, you couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!”
“I know”, Howard says, “but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while”.