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Table of Contents
A FRESH AND FUNNY LOOK AT SENIORDOM
“I think my sexpiration date has expired!”
SENIOR SEX Gramps Doing It!
SENIOR NOSTALGIA Remember? Dating in the ‘50s and other lies
SENIOR TRIVIA Are you “older than dirt?” Take these quizzes
SENIOR SEX ARTICLES…
The real pièce de résistance, though, was that first line of defense no mother would let her daughter out without the dreaded girdle.
Not if today’s seniors have anything to say about it. We may embarrass our kids and shock the neighbors, but wrinkly Romeos and sagging seductresses are just carrying on a time-honored tradition.
As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn’t pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay.
An older, single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “commitment.” Can’t relate? Can’t commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!
(Probably a very short column)Of course, many of the younger generation, including our sons and daughters, find it disgusting that Granny and Gramps could still be doing it. “More than you think,” says Frank. “Much more!”
What really catches my eye is the dazzling red type across from the photo saying, “Your Penis Shrinks 19.8% as you get older due to deficiency of testosterone!”
One minute you’re a male sex object, the next, you’re a lecherous old fart with bad breath, bad teeth, and probably badly in need of Viagra.
Dozens of sightings of senior citizens engaged in outdoor sexual activities leads to an investigation of “Looking for Love” classified ads for the senior set.
With WebCams for everything else, it’s time for GeezerCam. The camera could follow my every movement from the times I get up in the middle of the night to pee right through my exciting day until my wife and I shake hands at bedtime. Eye-popping? You bet!
Dating, the second time around, has its pitfalls. Senior men seem to believe mature women want nothing more than a warm body who doesn’t miss the toilet too often. Senior women claim they’re lucky to find a man who can remember where he left his teeth. Learn the ugly truth here.
Lessons I Should Have Learned From My Mother
I”As is the mother, so is her daughter.” — Ezekiel 16:44
If you grew up when neighborhood drugstores sold little but medicine and sodas, when prescriptions cost 67 cents, and when Lime Rickeys, Green River, Lydia Pinkhams and Hadacol were “the mostest,” this column’s for you.
Many of us lost a dear friend on April 29, 2004, as the final Oldsmobile rolled off the assembly line. The oldest automotive brand name in US history died at age 106. What are your Olds memories? I share some of mine.
A story of heroics exactly 60 years ago. Meet pilot, John McLaughlin, then fly the restored WWII B-17 bomber Fuddy Duddy. Climb aboard. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Here’s why I think Katharine and Audrey were the two standout artists of the 20th Century. It certainly wasn’t just their good looks and charm.
Were drive-in movies of the ‘40s and ‘50s the sexually unrestrained “passion pits” of yore? Or is all that our inner teenager’s imagination?
Wearing that 1957 hat made me feel like an adult for the first time in my life. It told the world that I was now a man of substance, someone not to be trifled with.
Every evening you’d find my extended family out there recalling their days, catching up on the news, greeting and often sharing the evening’s dessert of rhubarb pie with passing neighbors.
It was Jezebel, beautiful, sensuous, and forbidden, a wanton mistress that threatened the very stability and sanctity of marriage.
It wasn’t much on looks. It had more miles on it than God. The clutch slipped, the rear shocks didn’t work, and inside it smelled like someone died. But that ’39 Studebaker was my first car, my first true love.
BATTLES WE WAGE…
The suicide rate among seniors in Japan was extraordinarily high for many, many years until the Japanese government undertook several social programs to provide proper care for the elderly 20-25 years ago.
Frank’s wife, Carolyn, just got canned. Why? Who knows? Her manager yelled, “Get your ass the hell out of here!” Read what it’s like, what we can do about it when it happens.