Senior Stories

7 Top Reasons I Don’t Like Seniors (Getting Old Sucks)

don't like seniors

My wife is in a wheelchair and none of them will ever think of getting out of the way so we can sign in. The sign in the area is right next to where the freebies are. They never allow us to find a clear space that is a comfortable place for her to wait to be called in. She usually ends sitting in the hall by the door. Very little heat in the winter or air-conditioning in the summer by the door. They are comfortable and why should they care about anyone else.

My wife usually only needs lab work and a quick check by a nurse. She doesn’t need to see a doctor most of the time, so she is called in quickly. Every time some old asshole starts yelling that they got there before she did and it isn’t right that she got to go in before they did. It doesn’t matter that their appointment isn’t for another half hour. All they can think about is that someone might be getting a little better service than they are.

Screw anyone else; they are the most important person there and everyone should know it. God forbid that anyone younger than they are gets to see the doctor before they do. The young mother with the two restless children can just wait because bingo at the Senior Center starts in an hour and they hate being late. After all, they are senior citizens and are entitled to special treatment. The magic of the 65th birthday.

Mistake of Volunteering

For several years, my wife was the editor of a senior newsletter put out by a major charity in Chicago. I made the mistake of volunteering to help out at a few functions that a buffet lunch was provided and packets of freebies were passed out. The first thing this experience taught me was to never get between a group of seniors and anything that is free.

You are putting yourself in harm’s way if you do.

The second thing I learned was to guard the buffet tables. If you don’t, most of the food would disappear. They stick it into purses and pockets before about half of those attending got a chance to eat. These were not people from the ghetto. The majority of them came from the more affluent neighborhoods and got there in their Lincolns and Cadillacs.

My bank puts out a large tray of donuts and an urn of coffee every morning. From the time the doors open until the donuts run out, the lobby is full of greedy geezers. Most don’t have any business to conduct but they are there every morning. In the winter, it can get down to twenty below or more. Somehow, they make it in for the freebies. I guess part of turning 65 is getting greedy.

Awful Senior Drivers

One of the joys of living out in the country is the narrow township roads. Half the time when you have to go anywhere, you end up behind some old idiot speeding right down the middle of the road. They go eight miles an hour and would never think of pulling over so you could pass.

There is no way in hell that you can get around them. If you tried, you would end up in the ditch. When an oncoming vehicle approaches, they wait until it is only going about 10 mph before they pull over to the right and as soon as they can pull right back into the middle of the road. There are no side roads that you can take to circle around on so you end up staying behind them. After a couple of miles, you start thinking of at least ten forms of painful euthanasia.

Stingy Seniors

I have been active in raising funds for those who are suffering from being involved in Bush’s illegal war. The majority of the time, when I approach most of our seniors for support, all I get are platitudes. They say things like “that is too bad”, “my heart goes out to them”, or “they are in my prayers”. However, the padlock stays on their purses and wallets. As long as nobody is shooting at them or theirs, they don’t much give a shit about what happens to anyone else.

Terrorist Won’t Attack Seniors

I hear a lot of comments about their worries about terrorist attacks but get real; up here on the Northern Great Plains there isn’t one God damned thing that a self-respecting terrorist would ever think of attacking.

Terrorists aren’t going to waste their time attacking Sun City or any other retirement community across this country. They have much better targets in mind. Some ask “what about if I want to go into the city and see a ball game”? If you think it is dangerous to go to the ballpark, stay home. You are going to be more comfortable and beer doesn’t cost six bucks a pop. Just watch the game on TV.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Bush and the corporate media. You have scared the shit out of the senior citizens so they don’t object to all the other crap.

Broken Country

They are all vocal about their version of what is causing this country to be going downhill. Illegal immigrants that sneak into the country to work their asses off on jobs no one else will take are ruining this country. Some of them keep sending money back home that should stay here.

When asked why it is bad for them to try to support their families when our government sends hundreds of billions to foreign countries every year the answer is usually “we have to send that money so those people can learn our American way of doing things”.

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