I was in the hospital following my cataract surgery, woozy from the sedative. Robert held my hand, attentive to the nurse who was reading us a checklist of postoperative instructions.

"Normal daily activity is fine, such as walking or light reading. Nothing strentous or jarring for one week, such as lifting heavy weights, bending all the way over, jogging..." she read in a crisp, clear voice.

Suddenly her voice lowered, becoming girlish and tentative. "Sex..." she paused, then whispered, "Do you want to know about sex?"

"Yes! Read the part about sex!" Robert and I almost yelled.

"You may resume sexual activities after one or two days," she finished in a whisper, then raised her voice to the pre-sex level to read the rest of the instructions about bathing, protecting my operated eye, and treating discomfort.

"She almost skipped the sex part," Robert said to me afterwards.

Why did the nurse feel the need to ask our permission and then whisper this one bit of information? Why do medical professionals in general skip the sex part when addressing every other part of our health?

Who Says We’re Not Interested in Sex?

I guess I should be used to this assumption that people of our age (63 and 70, in our case) are no longer interested in sex, and that approaching us with sexual information is embarrassing -- but I wish this would change!

I wish doctors would automatically ask, “Is there anything about your sexual response that you would like to ask about?” But since few do this, we need to take it on ourselves to bring up the subject.

It’s crucial to describe any changes in sexual response to your doctor, not just to live with diminished pleasure. Your doctor may want you to go on HRT, or use the estrogen ring or cream, or take a testosterone test to see if you need that hormone, which also affects sexual response in women. Sometimes changed sexual response can be a sign of another problem -- a medical condition that needs to be addressed, or a drug interaction that can be resolved with a change of medication. Find out what’s going on with you. Encourage your partner to consult a doctor about his or her changing sexual responses, also.

If your doctor seems unwilling or unable to help you, ask for a referral to another health professional. I’ve had terrific advice from a nurse practitioner at a major HMO -- she keeps up to date on the research, and studies my medical history to give me personalized advice.

I keep saying that my mission is to change society’s view of sex and aging, one mind at a time. But darn, it's taking a long time! Join me, please!

Talking about sex with your doctor -- your experiences?

• Have you tried to talk with your doctor about your sexual concerns? If so, how helpful was your doctor, and how comfortable did you feel during the discussion?
  
  
• If you have sexual concerns but have not discussed them with your doctor, why not? What could she or he do to make you feel more comfortable about discussing sex?

I'm collecting people's stories for a magazine article I'm writing. Your identity will be kept strictly confidential, unless you give your permission to go public.

Please contact me and tell me your story! Thank you!

Copyright © 2007 Joan Price

Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price is the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm ). Her "Better Than I Ever Expected" blog at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com is creating a community of people talking about sex and aging.

Read Joan’s earlier Suddenly Senior columns:

Straight Talk about Sex and Relationships after 50
Sex and Older Bodies: Tips, Tools, and Tricks that Work!

Safe Sex for Seniors: Tips for NOT getting a gift that lasts a lifetime
(Read this even if you’re in a committed relationship!)

You can write Joan at joan@joanprice.com.