Humor

Revenge on Senior Magazine Ads

Senior Magazine Ads

I usually don’t pay attention to the ads in senior magazines, but today I did.  I was browsing through a magazine at the store and noted the ads were catered to young people.  Later in the day,  I received our AARP magazine where ads catered to seniors.

Some of these ads for seniors really bug me.  I decided I had no other recourse but revenge—my way—through humor.

Hearing Aid Ads

I’ll start with hearing aids—actually, the ad was for a sound amplification device, not a hearing aid.  Either way, I don’t need a hearing aid or an amplifier.  It’s my husband that’s the problem—not my hearing.  He insists I need one.

I told him to stick around, and I will do my own hearing tests in the house; I don’t need an audiologist.

First, I had him yell something from the kitchen while I stood in our bedroom.  I did not hear what he yelled, but I know he had yelled.  I proved to him sounds don’t go around corners, down a long hall, past a bathroom, and swiftly left into our bedroom.

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Second, I had him sit on the rocker in the living room and shuffle the newspaper he had on his lap.  I then sat across the room in a chair.  I then told him to continue shuffling the paper and ask me a question.  He complied.  I did not hear what he said, due to the background noise of shuffling papers.

The last test was for him to run water from the spigot in the kitchen, ask me a question, while I sat nearby in the dining room.  Again, I did not hear him due to the gush of running water in the background.

After these 3 tests were completed,  I walked up to him,  “See!  I can hear quite well.  You are the cause of me not hearing at times.  It’s settled.  I don’t need a hearing aid.”

Gray Hair Ads

My next complaint is about all the ads for men for coloring the gray spots on their head.  And to top it off, the men in these ads are young and have lots of hair.

My husband has been bald since a young age. When we dated and married at 40, he was still bald and I married the guy.  I will admit, prior to marriage, to running my hand over his bald head.  What a thrill.  It’s like sliding down a smooth slope and never wanting the ride to end.

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I don’t think I could ever get such a thrill out of a man’s full head of hair.  I can just picture my gorgeous, just-manicured fingers running through his hair and getting a nail caught in some wild root cream, let alone an icky dyed job oozing from the heat of the scalp.

No, I’ll stick to my bald guy!

Electronic Device Ads

Presently, we’re bombarded with all these ads for electronic devices.  We already have an outdated flip cell phone (we share it and its used mainly for travel), a laptop, and we kept our landline.

Now my husband asked if I’d want one of the newer type cell phones.  I waited a few days before responding: NO

I’m not one to chat a length of time on the phone.  My children are busy running their children here and there and don’t have time to talk on the phone.  I got in the habit of email, while they are now into texting.  I know of one position my hands on a keyboard know and I am not learning another way to type on the cell phone.  If my family doesn’t answer a question I emailed them, I call their cell phone and say:  “Check your email.”  In no time I get my answer.  Works for me.

I have 6 girlfriends and we meet for breakfast every Wednesday.  Due to our 2 hour chat, we rarely call each other on the phone.

Don’t try to skype me either on my laptop.  I black-taped over the eye so on one can see me.   I’m often in my PJs when I sit to type, no makeup, and at times, I take my teeth out.  If anyone wishes to see me, come see me in person.

Medication Ads

Last, it seems seniors receive an onslaught of ads for medications that take all your aches and pains away, except for the side effects.

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I’ve read about those surveys on the “placebo effect.”  Seems to me, it’s all in your beliefs.  I think I’ll ask my husband to fill all my medications with a placebo pill when I’m not looking.  I feel healthier already.  All I have to do is “believe” I’m well and it happens.  Hmmm.

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