Yes… it’s time for that senior adult sex talk…
And no, your mother didn’t say I had to sit you down and do some of those “facts of life” explanations. This time around it’s some serious, adult conversation…
Adult…in that, it’s precipitated by my being a 67-year-old guy, who’s equipped with a 67-year-old P… P… P… Penis…with all its possible Predicaments, Perplexities and Perils. Shit…that’s a hell of a lot of P’s for an old man to get out without dribbling.
To preface our talk, one needs to realize that aging enhances one’s “spidey” senses… so much so that when an old guy like me hears but a background word or two, we instinctively shift our attention and totally focus on those commercials that may be of “need” down the road…
Senior Adult Sex Talk Flashback:
Thirty-some years ago, when the blue pill was all the television rage, a physician friend gave me several sample packets. Had no use for them then, and have no need for them now… But I still focused attention on that seductive commercial… and those sweet, sexy, come-hither female models who would get you up even if ever the pill failed to!
Senior Adult Sex Talk Today:
Those broadcast commercials have aptly aged. They now gear to the male crowd who exhibit an overt extraordinary concern over PGC…that’s Possible Genital Conditions, the terminology coined by Dr. Will McCau, the eminent Mammalian Psychologist and Psychiatrist, a good friend from the ‘60s whose focus on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering with behavioral intervention is only surpassed by his ability to prescribe addictive medications for treatment. You may remember him… I consulted with Dr. McCau when I acted as czar to the PPSC last year…that’s the Presidential Pet Selection Committee. Great Doc!
Anyway, that commercial:
Men, do you have a problem with a curve under the belt? You know… a painful curve caused by repeated penile injury typically occurring during sex or physical activity… Yes, apparently you can hurt yourself during sexual intercourse! Or during “Physical Activity?” (Yeah, I think that’s code for… yah… wink… wink… for… for masturbation…)
Maybe the hair-on-the-palm story was just that, a big lie! But would you, Mr. Teenager, have believed your mom when she said you could develop plaque inside your penis by overt self-handling? She would have been the most ridiculed mom of the neighborhood. Little Gary’s mom is a Laughing Stock! Plaque in your penis, but not on your teeth! Really!
Back to the Senior Adult Sex Talk:
Men… Don’t be ashamed to raise your hands… You got a curve?… well, you just may have Peyronie’s Disease. (Side Note: Named after the first diagnosed case in 1743 by a French Doctor, Mr. Peyronie’s heirs have been the butt of jokes through the years.) Anyway, today total cases number over 200,000 in the US.
Wow! You got a disease. You got men. And it involves the penis. What an investment trifecta, so much better than the famed Golden Cross Lore and the talking heads!
I noted that the broadcast commercial was produced on behalf of our good friends at Endo Pharmaceuticals. Thus began my due diligence prior to investing monies gotten from our fixed income of Social Security and a small Pension. And what better place to begin one’s research than by googling it.
Peyronie’s Disease questions posed by the search engine:
- Can PD heal itself?
- Answer: Some men don’t need to worry. “It” goes away by itself. What the hell is “it”. The problem curve? Your penis? Your ability to erect?
- Can PD make the penis shorter?
- Really!!! You draw a, say… 6” straight line, Point A to Point B. Next to it, another 6” line, but slightly curve it. Now, without holding the paper behind a glass of water, is one 6” line shorter than the other?
- Can you die? Is PD fatal?
- Google does not answer this question. Now that’s frightening!
- Any recommendations?
- Answer: Sometimes a “watchful, waiting” approach is fine! Watchful? Waiting? For what? You’re talking about my penis!
- What are some treatments?
- Answer: There is an Oral Medication, but it is only effective while the plaque is still forming, usually occurring no later than the 12-18 month stage of the disease.
- And what did our friends at Endo do?
- Answer: They’ve developed XIAFLEX®. And the delivery method is via… sit down guys and grab your balls… via injection… that is… injection into one’s penis! Hold onto your… here’s the procedural outline.
Peyronie’s Disease Treatment Cycle:
Penile injection. Then 1-3 days later comes…
Penile Injection. Then 1-3 days later comes…
HCP Modeling. During this visit, you will be treated to a manual procedure called Penile Modeling that will help stretch the plaque and straighten the penis. Mr. Kraft, are you listening. After learning this procedure, you will need to set aside a few minutes every day to perform these at home stretching and straightening activities on your penis. For 6 weeks guys!!!