Humor

Senior Barbie: New Barbie Doll?

Senior Barbie

Finally a Barbie we can relate to: Senior Barbie! At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic…

Bifocals Barbie

Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

Hot Flash Barbie

Press this Senior Barbie’s belly button and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

Facial Hair Barbie

As this Senior Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

Flabby Arms Barbie

Hide this Senior Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too — muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

Senior Citizen Alphabet

Bunion Barbie

Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Senior Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

No-More-Wrinkles Barbie

Erase those pesky crow’s-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Senior Barbie’s own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

Soccer Mom Barbie

All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Senior Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

Mid-life Crisis Barbie

It’s time to ditch Ken. Senior Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.”

Divorced Barbie

Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and Ken’s boat.

Recovery Barbie

Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

If Airlines Sold Paint…

Post-Menopausal Barbie

This Senior Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book “Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self” is included.

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