COLD TURKEY After a woman gave birth to her baby, the doctor stood solemnly beside her bed. "There is something I must tell you" "What's wrong," the alarmed mother asked? "Your baby is a hermaphrodite." "What's that?" "It means your baby has both male and female parts." BUSINESS IS BUSINESS One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business." When Did You Start First came the thinning on top, followed by an equal and opposite expansive roundness in the middle. Some obscure law of physics, no doubt. Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " " ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS !". I was just settling in to a barber's chair when I overheard the elderly man next to me say, "I"m not much for pills, but I'm taking Ginkgo-Viagra. I want to remember what sex was like." BRASSY HUMOR "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in for you from the admiral. I have it right here." UPDATE! For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80 percent of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. ONLY IN AMERICAN ENGLISH Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...
THIS WEEK'S BEST BLOND JOKE The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer .... and while holding it close to her lips she said .... "Hello, Mom can you hear me?" AND FINALLY, THE PUNSTER STRIKES AGAIN In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse even in the dead of night. To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse. With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a reservation! Got a favorite joke. Share it with us. Send it to Frank Kaiser. Do it today! A new column from Joan Price and Ann Katz: Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50 The latest columns from our resident (retired) Drug Pusher, Tom Braun... 2010 New Year Self-Care Prediction Cancer and You SEE THE BEST SENIOR NOSTALGIA ANYWHERE, SEE THE BEST SENIOR TRIVIA ANYWHERE, http://www.suddenlysenior.com/triviapage.html Are you Single and Looking? Introducing SuddenlySeniorDating.com An online dating website where Seniors can meet their match!
SENIOR TRAVEL: THINKING OF GETTING AWAY? We love to travel, and there's a big world out there. Our travel pages have a lot of new money-saving information you can use whether you're traveling 10 or 10,000 miles. http://www.suddenlysenior.com/travelpage.html GRAMPS “DOING IT?” Are You Ever Too Old For an Orgy?
The real pièce de résistance, though, was that first line of defense no mother would let her daughter out without: the dreaded girdle. Sex After 60 (Probably a very short column) Of course, many of the younger generation, including our sons and daughters, find it disgusting that Granny and Gramps could still be doing it. "More than you think," says Frank. "Much more!" "Hey, Cutie Pie. I've Got Viagra!" Dating, the second time around, has its pitfalls. Senior men seem to believe mature women want nothing more than a warm body who doesn't miss the toilet too often. Senior women claim they're lucky to find a man who can remember where he left his teeth. Learn the ugly truth here. Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid! As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn't pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay. What really catches my eye is the dazzling red type across from the photo saying, "Your Penis Shrinks 19.8% as you get older due to deficiency of testosterone!" Taking It All Off for GeezerCam With WebCams for everything else, it's time for GeezerCam. The camera could follow my every movement from the times I get up in the middle of the night to pee right through my exciting day until my wife and I shake hands at bedtime. Exciting? You bet! Dozens of sightings of senior citizens engaged in outdoor sexual activities leads to an investigation of "Looking for Love" classified ads for the senior set. When Wild Oats Turn Into Prunes and All Bran One minute you're a male sex object, the next, you're a lecherous old fart with bad breath, bad teeth, and probably badly in need of Viagra. Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid! As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn't pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay. THIS WEEK'S BEST 222 SENIOR SITES http://www.suddenlysenior.com/links.shtml Want to get "Monday's Best Jokes" e-mailed every –? Send blank e-mail to get-jokes@suddenlysenior.com To get the Suddenly Senior column, absolutely free, send blank e-mail to Get-ss@suddenlysenior.com NEW! Get the latest Medicare and Canadian drug store news e-mailed almost every day, send blank e-mail to To unsubscribe to This Week's Best Jokes, send a blank e-mail to Remove-jokes@suddenlysenior.com
Gooder than grits! Hugs, Frank and Carolyn Carolyn Kaiser carolyn@suddenlysenior.com Frank Kaiser frank@suddenlysenior.com http://www.suddenlysenior.com/ |
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THE RULES ARE DIFFERENT IN FLORIDA
Not if today's seniors have anything to say about it. We may embarrass our kids and shock the neighbors, but wrinkly Romeos and sagging seductresses are just carrying on a time-honored tradition.
