Today is the day fer the wearin' o' the green. BEGORA! Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. What's little and green and goes two hundred miles per hour? JESUS WAS IRISH 1. He lived at home until he was thirty. What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog? GUNS, MONEY and BLARNEY An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
The Shamrock (traditional spelling: seamróg, meaning summer plant) is a three-leafed clover that grows in Ireland. A common image in Celtic artwork, the shamrock is found on Irish medieval tombs and on old copper coins, known as St. Patrick's money. The plant is also reputed to have mystic, even prophetic powers-- for instance the leaves are said to stand upright to warn of an approaching storm. Legend has it that St. Patrick used the shamrock in the fifth century to symbolize the divine nature of the trinity when he introduced Christianity to Ireland. The seamróg is a big part of Irish history, as the Shamrock was used as an emblem by the Irish Volunteers in the era of Grattan's Parliament in the 1770's, The Act of Union. When it became an emblem of rebellion in the 19th century, Queen Victoria made wearing a seamrog by member's of her regiments punishable by death by hanging. It was during this dark time that the phrase "the Wearing of the Green" began. Today the seamróg joins the English Rose and the Scottish Thistle on the British flag and is an integral part of Saint Patrick's Day celebrations. "The Wearing of the Green" also symbolizes the birth of springtime. Irish legend states that green clothes attract faeries and aid crops BLESSING May those who love us, love us Why did God invent whiskey? POOR OLD MURPHY Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "I don't think so," said the for man, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." Read This Week’s Suddenly Senior TERRORIZING TELEMARKETERS One of the perils of retirement is being home during the day, a sitting duck for telemarketers. Somehow — the details are a closely guarded secret — telemarketers not only know when you're home, but when you're eating, taking your bath or toilet, or just sitting down to relax with a cold one. This column is about how telemarketers can become source of humor and joy in your life. With only a bit of play-acting and creativity, you'll find yourself looking forward to telemarketing calls. READ FULL STORY If you're enough lucky to be Irish... ONLY THE IRISH Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender." Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." May you live as long as you want, IRISH GAS STATION "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light, PROTESTANT? PROSTITUTE? Colleen had not been home for over five years. Upon her return her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? For me little brother Sean, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." Colleen said, "A prostitute Dad!" "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" May you live to be a hundred years 
A FEW SHORT ONES An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, May your blessings outnumber WATER INTO WINE? An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A TRIFECTA OF WIN MURPHY GOES TO CHURCH I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and I figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." May the best day of your past PLACE GET IN LINE Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Father Murphy said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" May you be in SHOW AREA CODE? Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
LATEST GUEST COLUMNS! The latest columns from our resident (retired) Drug Pusher, Tom Braun... From Susan Pierres, Writer/Photographer: From Joan Price: Satisfying Senior Sex for Women, Too! Book Review: Autumn Romance: Stories and Portraits of Love after 50 SEE THE BEST SENIOR NOSTALGIA ANYWHERE, SEE THE BEST SENIOR TRIVIA ANYWHERE, http://www.suddenlysenior.com/triviapage.html Are you Single and Looking? Introducing SuddenlySeniorDating.com An online dating website where Seniors can meet their match!
SENIOR TRAVEL: THINKING OF GETTING AWAY? We love to travel, and there's a big world out there. Our travel pages have a lot of new money-saving information you can use whether you're traveling 10 or 10,000 miles. http://www.suddenlysenior.com/travelpage.html GRAMPS “DOING IT?” Are You Ever Too Old For an Orgy?
The real pièce de résistance, though, was that first line of defense no mother would let her daughter out without: the dreaded girdle. Sex After 60 (Probably a very short column) Of course, many of the younger generation, including our sons and daughters, find it disgusting that Granny and Gramps could still be doing it. "More than you think," says Frank. "Much more!" "Hey, Cutie Pie. I've Got Viagra!" Dating, the second time around, has its pitfalls. Senior men seem to believe mature women want nothing more than a warm body who doesn't miss the toilet too often. Senior women claim they're lucky to find a man who can remember where he left his teeth. Learn the ugly truth here. Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid! As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn't pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay. What really catches my eye is the dazzling red type across from the photo saying, "Your Penis Shrinks 19.8% as you get older due to deficiency of testosterone!" Taking It All Off for GeezerCam With WebCams for everything else, it's time for GeezerCam. The camera could follow my every movement from the times I get up in the middle of the night to pee right through my exciting day until my wife and I shake hands at bedtime. Exciting? You bet! Dozens of sightings of senior citizens engaged in outdoor sexual activities leads to an investigation of "Looking for Love" classified ads for the senior set. When Wild Oats Turn Into Prunes and All Bran One minute you're a male sex object, the next, you're a lecherous old fart with bad breath, bad teeth, and probably badly in need of Viagra. Sex After Death? Heaven Forbid! As we slip and slide toward the inevitable, is there a senior among us who hasn't pondered the possibility of hot sex beyond those pearly gates? Eternity is a long time to go without a good roll in the hay. THIS WEEK'S BEST 222 SENIOR SITES http://www.suddenlysenior.com/links.shtml Want to get "Monday's Best Jokes" e-mailed every –? Send blank e-mail to get-jokes@suddenlysenior.com To get the Suddenly Senior column, absolutely free, send blank e-mail to Get-ss@suddenlysenior.com NEW! Get the latest Medicare and Canadian drug store news e-mailed almost every day, send blank e-mail to To unsubscribe to This Week's Best Jokes, send a blank e-mail to Remove-jokes@suddenlysenior.com
Gooder than grits! Hugs, Frank and Carolyn Carolyn Kaiser carolyn@suddenlysenior.com Frank Kaiser frank@suddenlysenior.com http://www.suddenlysenior.com/ |
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FOR THE
THE STORY Of THE SHAMROCK
Not if today's seniors have anything to say about it. We may embarrass our kids and shock the neighbors, but wrinkly Romeos and sagging seductresses are just carrying on a time-honored tradition.
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