by Frank Kaiser

Had a senior moment lately?

You know. You'll be talking along like at any other time in your life, and suddenly you can't remember the name of your best friend. Or the movie you saw last night. Or what the initials AARP stand for.

It's a sudden, embarrassing slice of silence. A senior moment. Remember Erich Segal's "Love is never having to say you're sorry" phony-baloney? This is just "never saying."

Most of us begin noticing these awkward interludes in our 50s. And by 70, some of us avoid talking altogether, a not altogether unvirtuous act.

The thing is, we seniors know a lot; we just can't remember.

What to do?

If you believe in pills, as so many of us do no matter the problem, there's a pill for you. The beginning of the mend is something called Ginkgo Biloba. It's said that 60 to 100 mg. of this herb increases blood flow to the brain, improves energy access for brain cells, and jump-starts brain cell connectivity.

That's some pill! And many of my friends swear by it, taking two or three a day. As my buddy J.C. Spitznagel says of his wife, "Since I began taking that stuff, I haven't forgotten old what's-her-name's name once."

He remembers clearly the name of little Joyce Kongabel, a sweet girl in fourth grade with whom he shared a first kiss. But his wife? FUHGEDDABOUTIT! Even with the pills.

See, that's the thing. I don't think blood flow has much to do with this senior moment problem.

Senior moments are caused by Brain Bloat.

Suddenly Trivia: Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"? a) Franklin D. Roosevelt, b) Boris Karloff, c) Winston Churchill

Brain Bloat is the result of too much stuff in the head. That's why it takes 50 or 60 years of input before the forgetful symptoms begin to manifest. After all those years of cramming stuff into your noggin, it finally begins overflowing like a water glass unable to hold another drop without shedding something already there.

You've got to dump all the Joyce Kongabels in your brain.

Those dates you memorized in high school history class? They're still there, aren't they? 1066. 1492. 1776. 1812. They go on and on. Think of the space they take up.

There are thousands of names of folks you'll probably never ever see again all stuffed like a New York phone book in the back of your noodle. Probably hundreds of high school chums alone. Like Dutch Von Boeselager and Ralph Kuechenberg. Get rid of them. Don't worry. If they happen to be at your next reunion, they'll be wearing name tags.

Of course, maybe the best senior-moment strategy is to just chuckle and admit, "Ah, another senior moment." Like you've just discovered time relatively and you want to share the moment.

If the person you're talking with is over 50, she'll know exactly what you mean and possibly admire your honesty and insouciance. If she's younger and hasn't yet experienced this senior embarrassment, fake it. Chances are, she's not listening, anyway.

Eventually perhaps we'll all go into a kind of Jiffy-Brain every three months, drain off the old so there's room for new, and never again forget last night's movie. But until then, do as I do. Live with it. Enjoy the feeling of a full and often useful brain.

That's more than most folks can say.

© 2001 — Frank Kaiser

Suddenly Trivia Answer: a) Franklin D. Roosevelt

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