Sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex!

I swear, since I hit puberty I have not lived an hour without thinking about sex.

I have no idea what it's like for others, male or female, but doubt I'm alone. You can call it sexual obsession or "Just a guy thing."

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Neither injury nor age has significantly diminished my libido. In fact, for both Carolyn and me, sex is actually better today than it has ever been. (That includes five other spouses, various other stories.)

Think about that. I'm 72. Carolyn's 67.

I believe it's all about pleasing your partner, using your lifetime of experience to make this time the most loving experience ever. Repeat as desired. Every night is possible.

Where 15 minutes used to be more than adequate, now we make love for an hour or so. And get this: Neither of us has ever been more climactic!

It's like God's secret gift to the old and feeble.

Today's newlyweds have much to look forward to. Too bad they don't know it. And all those who now slog through the tedious asexual years with too much work, too many children, too little time, there's hope ahead!

No one that age knows it, either.

You'd think, anything this awesome, this miraculous, this myth shattering would be trumpeted. On this Planet of Bad and Really Bad News, extraordinarily good senior sex is definitely front-page material, don't you think?

Loose Lips Sink Ships!

Yet we seniors treat our sex lives like the Manhattan Project. No one talks about it. Either that, or my wife and I are the luckiest codgers this side of Vegas. My hunch is there are many others out there, our age and older, also making love most every night. Or day.

They're retired, you know.

You see them often. Holding hands as they walk down the street. Smiling. A lot. And the way they look at one another? Check it out.

Their secret? As we age we find that no matter how very much we love our spouse, we love her more the next day. Ad infinitum.

That's another 60-pt. news headline I've never seen.

I'm taking to the rooftops with this one!

Maybe I'll print posters shouting, "EXTRA! EXTRA! By the time you're 70, you and your spouse's sex lives can have developed into the most exciting, most satisfying sex you have ever had."

I haven't, of course.

Who's going to believe me?

The Fall

Then, following my bladder operation for cancer last month, everything changed. No libido. No nothing. Even with Viagra.

My first thought was of Willie Nelson who famously said on his 75th birthday, "I have outlived my dick."

Rather sad, I thought. But if I'd suffered the same fate, at least I could say that it was the last to go.

I wondered. Had my urologist neglected to inform me of unknown snips or sexual after-effects? He graciously called to explain that my side effects stemmed from my chemo, his previous traumatic excursion up my penis notwithstanding.

That had never occurred to me. (I often wonder, "How can I be so old, so experienced, and so foolish all at the same time?")

My oncologist later confirmed: Chemo kills sex. But it will return, he promised.

Then, last night, bliss returned to the Kaiser household. Afterward, glowing, Carolyn and I high-fived each other, rolled over, and went to sleep.

Life is good. Even with cancer.

Copyright © 2008 – Frank Kaiser