Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.
Good sex should involve laughter. Because it’s, you know, funny.
Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying “Thank you” though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent.
Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
Never give yourself a haircut after three martinis.
When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
A person needs only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship: “I apologize” and “You are right”.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was “Go! You might meet somebody!”
If he says that you are too good for him believe it.
I’ve learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you.
Be really nice to your friends because you never know when you are going to need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand.
Work is good but it’s generally not important.
Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
And finally… Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect, it just means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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