Humor

Red Buttons’ Idea of Aging

Appearing on Dennis Miller’s show, Red Buttons announced he was 80 years old, but that 80 is not old.

He explained:

  • Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
  • Old is when your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
  • Old is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.
  • Old is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
  • Old is when your wife says “Let’s go upstairs and make love”, and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both”

And he adds…Sure I’ve gotten old. I’ve had 2 bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92, but…Thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!!

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