YOU MIGHT AS WELL ADMIT IT
- Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
- Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
- You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
- You watch the Weather Channel.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
- You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door
won’t turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You take naps sometime between noon to 6 PM!
- Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather
than settle, your stomach.
- If you’re a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not
condoms and pregnancy tests.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
- “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.
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