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Red Buttons' Idea of Aging

Appearing on Dennis Miller's show, Red Buttons announced he was 80 years old, but that 80 is not old. He explained:

Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

Old is when your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore, but just holds you up to the light.

Old is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.

Old is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

Old is when your wife says "Let's go upstairs and make love", and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both"

And he adds....Sure I've gotten old. I've had 2 bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!!

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