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June 16, 2009
AND GOD CREATED WOMAN....
A small, but growing, segment of society no longer believes that woman was created from one of Adam's ribs. They believe that Eve was created first.
They feel their account of life's beginning on earth is more plausible.
HERE IT IS......
And God created Woman, giving her three breasts to nurse her young. And God spoke, saying to her, "Woman I have created thee as I see fit, but mine is no longer the only opinion in the universe (sigh). Is there anything about thee that thou would prefer differently?"
And Woman spoke, saying, "Lord, I am not made to birth whole litters, and you have given me two glorious hands, arms, feet, legs...etc.. I do not need but two breasts." And God said, "Thou speak wisely, as I have created thee with wisdom."
There was a bolt of lightning, and it was done, and Woman stood there
holding her third breast in her hand. "What am I gonna do with this useless boob?" Woman asked.
And so it was, that God created man.
WORLDS THINNEST BOOKS
20. BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
19. HOME BUILT AIRPLANES by John Denver
18. HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino
17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
16. MY LIFE'S MEMORIES by Ronald Reagan
15. THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD by Bill Gates
14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman
13. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore
12. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
11. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
10. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
9. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
6. ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA
3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson
And the World's Number One Thinnest
book......................
MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton
___________________________________
HUH?
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?
____________________________________
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
..... But if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff,
eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and
doesn't appear to realize you've set it free...
You either married it or gave birth to it.
_________________________________
PERSONNEL EVALUATION
1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but
more definitely a won't be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered
like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change
whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails
to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an
idiot.
9. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the
better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't
watching.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold
it together.
14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary
ignoramus.
____________________________________
MEN AND THEIR SPORTS
After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the
following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: Football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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