 |
|||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||
 Sex Then and Now
“What, if anything, has changed about your own sexuality or your partner's since you wrote Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty?” the Village Voice interviewer asked me recently. Good question. I’m still as brazen promoting senior sexuality, but yes, I have to admit that our bodies are changing. Since the book came out, Robert and I have gone through another year and a half of aging and a number of medical challenges—Robert has undergone chemotherapy and a broken back. I deal with knee, shoulder, and ankle pains that remind me I’m no longer the perky aerobics instructor of a few decades ago (although I do still teach line dancing). Through whatever comes our way, Robert and I keep laughing and loving. Yes, our lovemaking continues to change as we deal with new roadblocks. But we persevere, treasuring our intimate times that honor our love and each other. Sex, while we may have to cope with finding positions that don’t hurt a bad back or tweaky knee, makes us feel more energetic, bonded, and youthful. It also releases endorphins, our brain’s natural painkillers. Sometimes we just have to laugh at ourselves. The other morning, I was inching my way, trying to roll off the wedge pillow that we use for lovemaking without aggravating a painful shoulder. Robert told me gently, “Take as long as you like to roll over – we’re retired!” You have to either laugh or cry at aging, and it’s more fun to laugh. I’d love to see research done on the sexuality of aging. As our biological urges retreat and our hormones diminish, many women and men report that they still want sex emotionally, but they wish their physiological responses were a match for the emotional desire. Sex is such an important part of intimacy and bonding, of touching and feeling connected with a partner, of accepting our bodies and the wonderful physicality of which we’re capable. It’s a way of saying that all’s right with the world if we can make love. For many, the hardest part is talking about it to a partner. If you feel less sexy, or more self-conscious about your aging body, or frustrated with your changing sexual responses, talk to your partner and plan ways that your new needs can be incorporated into your love play. For example, you may need to communicate that you need longer foreplay, with more whole-body touching before your lover arrives at your hot spots. You may need to change the time of day that you have sex to times that you feel a combination of relaxed and alert – maybe morning, maybe late afternoon. It’s also helpful to do other physical activities together, such as dancing, hiking, working out or even walking the dog. Being physical together-even when the activity is not specifically sexual – can lead to a enhanced body awareness and closeness. Exercise also increases blood circulation, which – ahem! – sends more blood to your genitals and brain as well as to your muscles! You may find that you feel sexier after exercise, more open to sensual exploration, so make use of it! Realize that as our biological drive gets less urgent, we may find that leisurely sex is more satisfying than the frantic sex that was so exciting in our youth. Even something as simple as making love in the daytime instead of after dinner (I find I can’t digest and have satisfying sex at the same time!) may make a huge difference. Seeking Interviews for Joan Price’s New Book Wanted: Women and men over 50, single or partnered, straight or gay, willing to talk candidly about your personal experiences and attitudes regarding sex and aging for my new book. I'm seeking your comments and stories about the trials as well as the joys of staying sexually vibrant in an aging body. This will be a follow-up to Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty and will include stories from singles and couples, women and men, along with expert tips for improving those situations that challenge us as we age. You will be identified by a first name of your choice and your age. Your true identity will be kept strictly confidential. Would you like to be a part of this book? Please contact Joan Price now at joan@joanprice.com! Copyright © 2007 Joan Price Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price is the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty (Seal Press, 2006, http://www.joanprice.com/BetterThanExpected.htm ). Her "Better Than I Ever Expected" blog at http://www.betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com is creating a community of people talking about sex and aging. You can write Joan at joan@joanprice.com. Read Joan’s earlier Suddenly Senior columns: Straight Talk about Sex and Relationships after 50 Sex and Older Bodies: Tips, Tools, and Tricks that Work! Safe Sex for Seniors: Tips for NOT getting a gift that lasts a lifetime |
|||||||||||||||||||||
