Sex and Older Bodies: Tips, Tools, and Tricks that Work! by Joan Price

I‘m often asked in media interviews for tips for great senior sex. Here's what has worked for me:

1. Communicate. Tell your partner what you're feeling, or not feeling, and describe what would make sex better or more comfortable for you. Your partner wants to understand and please you.

2. Take lots and lots of time. We need more time to become aroused and make the delicious journey to the crashing waves. Set aside a couple of hours so you have time for the full experience, from the first kiss to the afterglow cuddle.

3. Find positions and props that enhance your comfort. A special shaped pillow like the Wedge and a silky lubricant can make all the difference in comfort!

4. Explore erotic helpers. I wrote a whole chapter on sex toys in Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty, including divulging my favorite, so I won't go into detail here.

Many of you are familiar with the love story I tell in Better Than I Ever Expected about my romance with Robert. Since the book was written, two major events in our lives happened: Robert and I got married, and Robert had six months of chemotherapy to treat his leukemia and lymphoma (happily now in remission).

Each chemotherapy treatment left Robert sick, depressed, and exhausted. Then, as he started to come back, he wanted to make love.

"I sought to be whole, not damaged by cancer and chemo, celebrating the source of life," he told me. "I needed to feel alive and well, not just a 'survivor.' I wanted to express myself completely through this body that felt violated."

This subject – along with most topics of senior sexuality – is seldom broached by health professionals. One of my readers told me her painful story of bringing up the issue of sex after cancer treatment and watching her oncologist bolt from the room! (http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2006/11/reclaiming-sexuality-after-cancer.html)

It's not just sex after cancer that makes doctors uncomfortable – it's often the entire issue of older people still having and wanting good sex. Medical professionals have meager training in sexuality, and often no training in the special sexual challenges we face as seniors.

I talk to many women who didn't know that lubricants and sex toys could enhance their sexual pleasure. They thought that dryness, slow arousal and difficulty reaching orgasm were a part of aging that they had to accept. I'm distressed that many doctors tell women this – often without running tests to see whether hormone levels or other conditions which may be treated might be affecting sexual response.

I'm not dumping on doctors, just on their training. I've been thrilled by the response of medical professionals to my speeches and workshops: doctors, nurses, therapists, and alternative practitioners who are hungry for information. One Santa Rosa, California gynecologist bought 25 copies of my book to give to her patients!

Our older bodies startle us by altering shape, sensitivity, strength, flexibility, and sexual responsiveness. Aches, pains, and chronic conditions develop.

Can the Love Generation say we're still having great sex, despite bodies that confront us with brittle bones, aching joints, uncooperative parts, or a doctor's diagnosis that sends us reeling?

Yes, we can.

With all these challenges, we are remarkably resilient. These bodies are still capable of immense pleasure and exquisite sensation. They are still our domain of delight, intimacy, and connection.

1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Yes, it takes longer to warm us up. Fortunately, one of the best things about mid-life and later-life sex is the absence of urgency for our partners, also. They enjoy slow sex as much as we do! Make sex play last hours... or days.

2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly, sloppily. All kinds of kisses help you bond with your partner, warm up, and enjoy the moment.

3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and your partner's bodies. Jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever looks good, feels good,

4. Do sexy things together long before you hit the sheets. Dance together. Visit lingerie or sex toy shops. Leave sexy notes in each other's pockets. Give each other little gifts.

5. Do sexy things on your own to get yourself in the mood. Wear sexy lingerie under your everyday clothes. Work out. Swim. Dance. Fantasize. Write in your journal all the sexy things you want to do together. Spend some time humming with your vibrator.

6. Make love during high energy times. Midnight sex after a romantic meal may work for young folks, but we're more likely to feel full, bloated, and ready to sleep. Instead, make sex dates in the morning or afternoon. (Why do you think they call it "afternoon delight"?)

7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days. Lucky for us that sex toys are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

8. Use a silky lubricant. We don't have the natural moisture we used to, but there are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When your partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play.

9. Enjoy quality snuggle time before, during, and afterwards. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each other's skin, is one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of making love.

10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, tease each other, rediscover your childhood together. Laughter is bonding, joyful, ageless--and sexy.