AN AGING FANTASY
Parts Department, Please!
By Jack Morrissey
Being old and wise, and able to see into the future, I will now draw upon your imagination, to create a scene that will come to pass in any major hospital five years down the road. Just sit back, and let your imagination create the picture as your read on.
He can't seem to get it up anymore.
He has to get up five to six times a night to pee, and without a full nights sleep he wakes up grouchy and still tired instead of rolling over upon waking up, and making violent love to his wife, he looks forward to getting out of bed, going to the bathroom and having a good bowel movement. This alone can make his whole day. Things just seem to be going downhill much faster than before.
"If It's Broke We'll Replace It!"
"If it wears out, we'll replace it", followed by, "If it's not in stock, we'll order one today." That followed by, "If our supplier is out of stock, we'll call our machine shop downstairs, and they will turn one out tomorrow." The new motto now is, "If it's broke
we'll replace it!"
Her cheerful attitude seems to put a little more confidence into Sam's slow shuffling walk down the long hallway.
A receptionist, a 20 on a scale of 10, rushes over to him, smothers him with a bear hug, kisses him soundly, and exclaims
."WHOEVE YOU ARE
YOU ARE THE WINNER!! YOU ARE THE MILLIONTH CUSTOMER AND TODAY IS YOUR DAY. EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS FREE!!! Horns are blowing in the background
music fills the air
Sam is covered in confetti
and is overwhelmed beyond words. He backs away from the gorgeous hunk of femininity facing him and states, " I'm not sure what I need, but a friend of mine said was the place to come to. I just feel like I'm falling apart slowly. What do I have to do?"
In our wisdom, we knew that old catalog would be very familiar to you, and bring back good memories, so we've patterned our catalog just like Sears. Except our catalog lists all of the replacement body parts you will ever need. Just look it over, tell us what you need, and all your dreams will come true. Look upon me as the good Fairy! Almost everything today can be replaced right here. If we don't have it in stock, we'll order it for you. Some overstock items have been reduced in price for our regular customers, but make sure you look those over too. Sam, everything for you in a "No Charge," so live it up! You lucky devil!"
"Drink?" . stammered Sam. "What do you have?"
Betty suggested, " How about a Vodka Martini
. Shaken, not stirred!" Poor Sam was overwhelmed. With the Martini in hand, Sam laid back, relaxed, and wondered what was next.
Sam's voice quavered a little in reply, " No, ask me anything you would like to."
Betty gazed longingly in Sam's eyes and whispered, " Can you still get it up?"
Sam sadly shook his head, and said, " God it's been like forever!"
Betty gave him an understanding smile, and nodded her head. "How would you like to be the stallion you once were . screw until the cows come home make love to her until she cries "enough! Do you think you would like that Sam? AND IT'S FREE NO CHARGE . JUST FOR YOU THIS DAY OUR VERY OWN MILLIONLTH CUSTOMER!!!
Sam screamed, "What are you talking about???"
"What A Way to Go!"
Betty coyishly smiled and gave Sam a knowing wink. " It's a VIAGRA drip! on the job 24/7! Attached to your waist, and ready to go at a moments notice. Just hit a convenient switch, the drip starts flowing into your body, the erection builds, and your wife will probably faint after the fifth orgasm! If you want to rest, just turn the switch to "Idle." Batteries are not included, but the liquid VIAGRA come in three convenient doses.. "Just Tonight"! "Three times would be good!" and, "What a way to go!!!"
Betty stroked his hand gently and said, "I've got over 4000 of these units in stock and can have you hooked up, ready to rock and roll, in ten Minutes. Shall I get one for you?"
Sam fell to his knees and pleadingly said, " Would you!"
Betty replied, "Two new knees, No prolamo." Betty then asked, "Peeing much during the night?"
"Six to seven times, at least."
"OK, new prostate for you then," was Betty's retort. "How's your eyesight?" she asked.
Sam replied, "So bad that I thought God was helping me along, by turning on the light in the bathroom, every time I had to pee, until my wife informed me I was peeing in the refrigerator."
Betty responded, "OK, we'll put you in for two new 20/20 lenses then. Been feeling depressed ?"
"So bad, there were times I wanted to take the gas pipe!" Sam responded.
Betty smiled and said, "Hey, we'll put you down for a Prozac drip also, on the job like Viagra,.24/7. If you start feeling lousy, why just hit the Prozac drip and you'll be on top of the world again."
Could it get any better than this??? He thought not. Until Betty slid one arm up around his shoulder and softly whispered in his ear,
Copyright © 2004 Jack Morrissey
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